fallen like leaves.

either you say too much,or you don't say enough,and then they're gone.
because after a while i feel i have nothing more to say.

it's been a tough year on hearts.
& the trouble is,you think you have time.

so tired of trying to live up to your expectations.
and to your dreams,and to your comparison.

someone,takeeee me awaaaaay.

too stressed?too tired?too scared? too much.

here you come again.

had one of the greatest,sweetest,nicest dreams yesterday night/this morning.

13.
the ball.
the court.
and the rest of the world can wait it out.
a defining moment.

i thought i could let this past,but actually,its harder than i thought.
won't deny i miss all of it,becasue i do.
won't say i dont wanna be in,because i do.
but a decision is a decision.
a sacrifice is a sacrifice.
even if it means making me feel so helpless,sad,lifeless and down.
but have to move on right.

sighs.

was pissed off when my mum woke me up. =.=
i always get super annoyed when i am in a really great dream and then the alarm clock/rooster(mum) comes knocking and disturb sial. yeeesh.


shea wen,i know you heard a lot of lectures/advices bout making how to make that decision.
an honest opinion from me: go for it.really.
don't let anything hold you back,because really,you know you love this game.
if there are issues u need to deal with,then go deal with it,make a compromise.
because this is,a chance,an opportunity.
and a very proud moment to wear the selangor jersey :)
u know how it feels like,and since you have started going for it,you might as well give a fight and go finish it.
because you can.
don't waste this chance okay :)
there are so many people out there who wants to go for this,shed tears and sweat just to get selected,
you are 16,you are fit and you are capable,
so don't give up okay :)

you're a great player,and you deserve to know that and fight for a spot.
don't matter if u didnt get selected,cause you tried.

all the best kay :)

remembering 5.

graduation is overrrrrrrrr.

had a lot of things to say and words to write out,but weridly,cant seem to choke out anything now.
lol.

just wanna say thanks for the memories :)
and thanks for all the great friendships :)

bye bye high school.
bye bye CHS!

oh gosh.
time for spm.

i'm fooled,by you,and by that stupid magic trick!

All About Steve.

Couple's Retreat.

The Lovely Bones.

i wanna watch all the above movies.
and the many many many more i have missed since....since....since....
after spm i will.

did you know.

maybe you did.

i just figured just now.

jumble SPM around and you get PMS.

see the similarity and that irony behind it.

haha.

i'm 'sooooo' looking forward to it.

16 more days :X

oh i'm hoping for new moon too,which the trailer/clips look much more exciting and cool this time.i hope the movie doesnt disappoint man!

rush of blood to the head;

yesterday night's training @ ss3 was cancelled cause they had u18 selection there.
was super moody and pissed and throwing my tantrums cause cannot go play ball.
i feel so frigging stressed i need to touch,move something and have a sweatout,relase all of that sien-ness of seeing those books everyday and pour everything out somewhere where i know i always can do it sucessfully.i just wanna get outta house :( last week also didnt really had a full training cause the lights were out,and bouncing a ball in the dark isn't really basketball,it's more like stressing your eyes.haha.
i go to the nearby court and play but it isn't the same bacause i play alone and it becomes very weird because i start imagining theres people around me through my vision.lol.
going to gym is different,theres no ball to play,no court to enjoy,no hoop to shoot,no beautiful sound to hear when you make a shot. arrrghhh.
it's easier to let go this time around (u18) cause i already let go of this feeling since i made the decision to stop going this year,which was around msss time.
every time i hear whether its mssm,lum mun chak,sultan cup,under18,all the selections,every single time i see my team mates,i see the pictures they have taken,can't help but feel a tinge of sadness and envy and a part of me being torn a little.
but what can i do? move on.
because i made the decision.
i needed to sacrifice this thing i love for my studies sake and also cause i dont think i belonged in the selangor team.
every day was a day,and it doesnt get easier fitting in. everybody has different wavelengths and ways of communication,somehow,i never got through it before.

but anyhow,there were a lot of memories at a lot of places.
and i learnt a lot of independence and teamwork and a lot of things only a basketballer would understand.
because every moment is a believe we can make it,
every time we set foot on the court during a competition,theres only one aim and its to break down the opponents defence and play hard.

i really hope team selangor can win this year's U18. players are much stronger and capable and the title should be theirs to win. i'll be praying for you guys in the u.s :)

long,not very emo but a bit emotional post.

i'm ok.

i still love the game no matter what. :)

and i love my team mates! :)

when everything isn't going your way,
and the day seems so bad,
it is still the best place in the whole world.

all tricks,no treats.

It's hell-o-weeeee-n........

what are ghost's favourite kind of streets?
Dead Ends.

what is a vampires favourite holiday?
Fangs-giving.

what kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
ma-scare-a!

why didn't the skeleton hav anybody to dance with at the party?
he had no body to dance with.

what do ghosts eat for breakfast?
boo-berries!

which building does dracula visit in New Yok?
Vampire State Building.

what is a dracula's favourite restaurant?
Murder King.

what do italians eat on halloween?
fettucinni afraid-o!

Happy Halloween!!!

if only halloween is a public holiday in malaysia,then can go trick or treatin'

heheheh :)

this is what my bro have been up to in princeton.

no joke man serious.

apart from solving physics and math questions for 13 hours,the dude's actually got a life.

joining breakdancing and the above which is known as parkour (why don't they just name it ourpark? lol!),he's actually getting involve and trying out cool new stunts/stints/jumping off the walls like some punk.

who knows,maybe he can start a ''Malaysian Spiderman Academy'' where you can learn how to be a real spiderman and not 'cicakman' wannabes!

of course,must learn basics first.they dont simply jump from building to building like wackos.
and he said,you can actually apply it in real life when burglars attack you!

i think i wanna ask him to teach me if he does come back from that far far place,so i can jump from whatever to whatever and go get a McFlurry faster! *oh i want to eat that so much right now*

i'm so proud of that noobface man!

:)

i hope he doesnt come home with piercings and tattoos,that would just look so weird and freaky on him. that time i won't be calling him the usual fatboy,i think i'll be calling him gangsta!/hooligan in da house!

be careful and don't break your limbs/neck/elbow/shoulder/knees/family jewels (the u know what over there.hehehe)

haha. i want an Oreo McFlurry!!! :(

was listening to red.fm this morning.
they were talking about malaysian expressions.
had a good laugh from some of them!

• terrorrr!
• macam yes!
• powerrrr!
• brotherrr!
• happeninggg!
• walao wehh
• LOL!
• wtfff!
• laughing my ass off mannn~
  
• chun man
• chopp! (pause/timeout)
• ori
  
• apa cer (apa cerita)
• cuba try
• syok weii!
• championnn
• sempoi (simple)
• elehhh!
• gone case
• poyohhh!
• deng lei geh fai!
• diam lah!
• kanasaiii~
• masa dah time!
• fuyohhh!
• gila sialll!
• alamak!

muka you macam haram! ( your face looks ugly)
hahahah!
or can say dia ada muka disaster weihh!

i sangat skema & hampeh. (nerdy & hopeless.) wth.haha.

wa caya sama lu (i believe in you)

man,we & our multi-cultural lingos.

tata!

you banyak das-hyat!

the wind blows.

my words were cold and flat
and you deserve more than that

i know just why you could not
come along with me
That this was not your dream
but you always believed in me


too much of anything can make you sick
even the good can be a curse
knowing too much can get you hurt.
we are fighting,fighting,fighting to keep this going.
feeling complicated.

:(


i need to handle this pressure.i must.
i need to get my head straight and focus.
i can do this.

shit.

clowniacs.

just back from a jog in the park.
head feeling kinda dizzy,slept at 3.50a.m this morning,
was holding my science notes by the toilet bowl for almost 2 & a 1/2 hours as i had diarrhea and tummy ache.
i toilet-bowled 6 times! my fingers felt real cold and my stomach felt like a hot air balloon and like someone punching it all at a same time.
then was worrying about.....

at least now come back see the chatbox,got a reply.
so all worth it i guess =)

practically i only slept for 4 hours,cause i had to wake up by 8 to meet dear jeng jeng.

akhirnya,she 9 oclock smtg only arrived. *yeeeesh*

so she did her science,i did my remaining form4 sejarah.

then,we got nasty.

with the tape i used to use to bao my blisters on my foot.

;p

first.

second.

third.

don't ask us what we were doing.
a)we were bored
b)we were creative
c)we were retarded.

clowns would say all of the above.

hehe.

best part was,

we studied!

seriously.


like a fool ;D

i tried sleeping.
just couldn't.
immediately had a bad dream after i fell asleep.
the dream was so real,so scary,and i was crying and cold-sweating when i woke up.
i dont want to call it a nightmare,
because my nightmares in one way or another tend to come true since i was young.

please be more careful when you drive next time,
i was concerned at the beginning,
but i didnt know i would feel this lost and scared when i just think of the thought of you being gone forever,
the thought of you not being there,taken away from me and for losing everything you have worked for in your life.
i didn't know i will cry just thinking you might vanish and disappear from my life,
please be careful.
i am so worried and scared it feels like i am the one been put through the car crash.

i know theres more to it you are feeling when you told me just now,
don't think too much,everything will be okay.

2.30 a.m now.
i hope you are in bed sleeping like i told you to,it'll be hard i think to close your eyes and just forget that it was only just now u went through the accident.
if only you were right beside me now.
if only i can comfort you and give you support.
if only i can give you a warm hug and tell you,and tell myself that you are safe.

please be careful.

please don't scare me again.

kenn chen does 17.

this was the first ever pretty looking sticky note i've kept with me.it's still in my form4 notebook.

handwritten by kenn.

my dear kenn kenn turns 17 today.(actually its just official with the date,he is beyond 17.i also dont know what age to give him.hehe)

& this was the first thing u did at the beginning of the year when we sat together.
can u friggin believe you wrote this into my journal at the beginning of january and right now,today,it's happening.you are happening. omg im talking like u are some god-sent angel.

i've practically known you for a really long time,
we hated each other during primary,always cockstare each other like i kill your mother and you killed mine.
haha,but i guess its fate man,
come secondary and we fast fast got bond already.
see till today,we still lasted through these few years.
i couldn't tolerate your moodswings a lot of times especially this year sitting next to you,but somehow,i know that you have the reasons.
and you too know when my 'that time of the month' approaches,
days go by,and we still stuck through it all.
everybody leaves,but i'm still here.and you're still here.
and that has to mean something. =)


through emo times,
'PMS' times (me....& you.),
fighting times(calculator incident! not really my finest moment!)
i know people have always made the tendency to ruin your birthday celebration mood,
but this year,i'm sure you'll be happy.
why?
cause.
cause.

hehe.

i try get for you lah kay!

u love tasty presents dont cha ;D

+ nigel,what an awesome threesome.HAHAHA.

gosh.
we really have a lot of school/class pictures together.
i guess the thrill of taking pictures while sakun talk talk talk is just overwhelming. :)
i'm going to miss giving you massages in school,
miss hearing all your juicy gossip,
miss helping you take shots of you posing (very vainly),
miss touching and admiring fidella's golden soft horse tail hair with you,
miss fooling around in class with you and everyone,
miss you!

but fear not,
we can drive.
or maybe you,illegally-hands-off-the-sterring-wheel-kinda-driver.

and we always have McD's in SS2.

:)

Happy Birthday.

& pls,be happy.

friends till...................... :)

oh what the hell i thought.
this is a secondary school tamtam-kennkenn classic.
really,our maturity level so clearly shown as form four's last year. *proudly wide grins*
LOL.
laugh if u cant tahan.
we were noobs.haha.


'you're on candid camera!
chee chak!'
there goes my image down the longkang.

all good things come to an end,
but im really glad it has been you all this while.
:)

if all of this isn't enough.

Apparently,

we speak 123205740 words,
drink 10351 pines of beer,
1694 bottles of wine,
read 2455 newspapers which kills around 24 trees,
bathe 7163 times,
use 198 bottles of shampoo,
650 bars of shower soap,
276 toothpastes,
76 toothbrushes,
wash our hair 11500 times,
hair grows around 12cm a year (exclude mine),
make 1700 friendships,300 people in your social group,
fall in love an average of 3 times,
and shed 61.5 litres of tears

a lifetime.

i watched nat geo junior for an hour.
i dont have that powerful relationship with numbers la,and my chemistry with memory is zero.
i copied them down because the show was cool,the information cooler.
i saw sim ru hui @ cheow yang! she looked so stressed but i totally miss her and the mindchamps gang! powerful how the law of attraction works for us,was just thinking of how we'll all get together after SPM,and then boom,suddenly,bob hafiz the man says he's coming down to KL and want to meet up.but all of us got major exams. T.T